Adjustments

Being a college student can, at times, be a surreal experience. Throw in the fact that I'm a 28 year old surrounded by those who are 8-10 years younger than me, and you can begin to see the picture. Now, refrain from the eye rolls please because I am in no way saying that I am old--if you are, then share that view at your own risk. Anyway, my point is, I find it hard to have much in common with my fellow students. They're still stuck in adolescent dreams, and I? Well, I seem to be stuck in limbo.

My dreams are a funny thing: there is still a want for love--I am female with a love for chocolate and Mr. Darcy after all--but there has been a shift in my ideals. I've never been one to dream of being the princess that's saved by a gallant knight. Hell, I always wanted to be the knight...or the dragon (my guilty little secret is that I'm one to cheer for the dragon to win). But what's changed, you ask? Well, I'm still that gender confused knight, but it's not a damsel I'm looking to save. I'm not looking to save anyone really. Damn, I'm stalling... I can't even seem to type it out without deflecting in some way. But, then again, what do I want? Being a college student, surrounded by these idealists who are no where near where I have come to be, has made me feel as if I am standing at a crossroads with a giant pause button over my face.

I'm not looking for daddy to save me anymore. Nor am I believing that I can be whatever I want with a willy nilly disregard for the realities of the world we live in. Perhaps some of you will mock me and say that I am experiencing a "nesting" syndrome of some kind, and perhaps you're right, but perhaps I'm merely growing up. Perhaps I'm looking to becoming the parent of my own idealistic adolescent.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Now don't get all up and arms at me. I'm not going to go out and get pregnant tonight, the next night, nor the next. I'm merely coming to accept the adjustments in my life as time unfolds my shifting dreams. But don't worry: I still look to that second star to the right.